Stay
by litromantic
Summary: During the last three months, he had the time to realize that always leaving was a mistake. Jess hoped it was not too late to come back here, to see her again, to exhibit change. Takes place before season 4. Oneshot, completed.


Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore girls, nor "Parachutes" by Coldplay.

Set at the beginning of Season 4, everything up to Those are Strings, Pinocchio has occured.

The wind blew hard against his face; he tried not to take it as an omen. He heard the clicking of his dad's old car's engine as it cooled, and he grazed his hand against the warm hood. The thought of escaping ran through his mind, but as he thought harder he could not think of anywhere else he would want to be. During the last three months, he had the time to realize that always leaving was a mistake. Jess hoped it was not too late to come back here, to see her again, to exhibit change. He looked up at her house, the living room light illuminating the yard in front of him. Dim and monotone sounds of the television floated through the warm air. They were still up. Jess checked his watch. 11:25 pm. He tried to think what would happen if he walked into the living room while they were both there. The image of Lorelai shoving him out of the house while giving him a colorful assortment of bruises in the process flashed vividly in his head. He blew air out of his lungs, his breath invisible, not even a wisp in the warm end-of-summer air. Searching in his pocket, he grabbed a cigarette, sticking it loosely into his mouth so it hung slightly as he reached in his back pocket for his lighter. He rolled the cigarette with his tongue, holding the lighter inches away from it, staring up at the house. A pain hit his chest as he remembered the night by the gas station, when she came looking for him, when she was smiling at him as she found him there. He spit the cigarette out onto the ground and sighed. The glow and the mumbling noise ceased- the television was turned off. He looked up as he heard a soft echo of her voice, almost cathartic. It justified the drive from California, refreshed him, and it even arose a strange feeling in his system. Happiness-that is what it was. The common emotion had become alien after he left Stars Hollow, though he thought it would be easy to live without it. After all the novels he had read, all the movies he had seen, he was left so ignorant. Contentment was a state of numbness, not a way of life. It was almost like being in a coma, living with his dad. His life became mostly nondescript, only a few times did he glimpse the realm of happiness. That's when he realized that even if things were horrible sometimes, the point was that the great things made it all worth it, made the bad things obsolete. And his divine thing was Rory.

The light went out in the living room, and Jess' muscles tightened as he saw the light go on in Rory's room. It was time for him to make his own second chances. Tonight was going to be the night she would see he changed. Or, that he could change.

His feet crunched little sticks and old leaves as he crept to her window. Jess felt his heartbeat increase as his feet took him closer to the glass. He was soon resting his hand on the windowpane, peering between the curtains. She was reading on her bed, the title of the book hidden behind her fingers. Her forehead was furrowed in concentration and her lips moved lightly as they mouthed dialogue. He missed this-watching her read. When he thought back on those last two year of high school, it was the simple times he missed the most: movie nights, browsing in bookstores together, talking over the phone, drinking coffee after hours in the diner. In a rush of bad events, he forgot about these things-they slipped easily from his mind and left only quick thoughts. So he left-skipped down at the first sign of real trouble. _But I'm back_, he thought to himself, _I'm not running anymore. _He knew Rory would be skeptical, anyone would be skeptical, but he was not going to go anywhere. This was where he wanted to be. Before he knew it, he was whispering Coldplay lyrics in the dark of the night. "In a haze, a stormy haze, I'll be round, I'll be loving you always, always. Here I am and I'll take my time, Here I am and I'll wait in line, always, always."

Rory's face faded as she seemingly finished a chapter, and she closed the book. Her eyes looked sad for a minute, and Jess saw her pick up a small book from her side table. She opened it and flipped threw it, running her finger down the margins of the pages. He watched her close it slowly, her chest heaving as she took a big breath. She rubbed her face with her hands for a minute, shook her head, and then turned to get off the bed, looking up at her window. Jess felt his heart stop. Her blue eyes were shocked, her eyebrows high on her forehead in surprise as she stared at him. She was gorgeous, as much as the first time Jess saw her, in that very same room. A happy disposition was almost always displayed on her face, there was an innovative sweetness to her smile, intelligence in her voice, elegance in her structure: Jess could not imagine anyone more beautiful. He smiled as a default to his thoughts, and Rory blinked, as if suddenly realizing he was real. He took a deep breath, than brought his knuckles to the glass and rapped once; slowly Rory brought herself to the glass, looking at him closely. She said something that was stifled by the glass, and her lips moved too fast for him to read them.

"Open the window," he mouthed. Rory fumbled with the latch and pushed it open, demolishing the obstacle between them.

"What-what are you doing here?" she asked, "I thought you were in California?"

Jess shrugged, delighted to be as unpredictable as always. "I'm back."

"Why?" she echoed her sixteen-year-old self.

"I wanted to be here," he said seriously.

She stared at him for a minute. "I'm not going to kiss you this time," she said strongly.

"I know," he tried not to sound disappointed.

Watching her, Jess could see the past flash in her eyes. Her face became flush and her voice infuriated. "Jess, you can't do this! You can't just leave and come back all the time. Don't you ever stay, anywhere?"

He shrugged. "I've been told I'm kind of an idiot," he said calmly. He expected her outbursts, and he knew could not let them faze him.

"You ARE an idiot. And-and, and you're evasive, irresponsible, and mean, and-"

"A do-do head?" Jess interjected, a pleased expression on his face. Rory, however, was far from amused. She shut her eyes tight, to recollect herself without his face hanging about her. When she opened them again, she seemed to have regained her use of strength and feminism.

"I can't keep doing this. I'm not going to be one of those girls that let their boyfriend string them a long. I don't want to be on a string! I'm not just going to hang around, hoping you'll grow up soon! You left, that's it, it's over. Goodbye, Jess." She reached for the window, moving to jerk it down but Jess shoved his arm out, trying to stop her.

"Rory, wait," his voice was softer now, sincere. "I know I-I screwed up. I, I should've-"

"Talked to me?" said Rory impatiently, her anger and hurt taking over once again. "Told me before you were leaving? I saw you on the bus Jess, and all you said was that you were going to call me."

"I did call you."

"Oh I forgot," Rory scoffed, "those were great conversations, Jess. If your goal was to impersonate an inanimate object then well done."

"I screwed up. I, I was screwed up. See-I realize that now! I can change Rory!" he said eagerly, moving his body closer to the window. "I came back, doesn't that show--something? Come on, Rory. I want- I want to be with you." He practically whispered the last line, as if it were a secret. His eyes had wandered away from her face, afraid of seeing rejection in her eyes.

"You've had a strange way of showing it," Rory said stubbornly. Jess looked at her intently, his eyes begging her to hear him, begging her to read his mind, begging her to know that he was committed this time. He did not blame her for mistrusting him, but his desire to have her back overstepped his common sense.

"I . . . I need you," Rory's face softened almost immediately as she heard the emotionally unavailable bad boy become vulnerable. "I thought that I needed to be away from Stars Hollow because-I don't know. I just freaked out when my Dad showed up. And then Luke kicked me out and you were mad-"

"You were the one who deserted me at Kyle's party because I wouldn't" she paused and said the next accusation tentatively, ready to analyze his reaction "-wouldn't have sex with you."

"What are you talking about Rory? It had NOTHING to do with that," Jess was fevered, insulted now, "I TRIED to explain it to you, but you were a bit busy with Dean."

"God-Jess, will you stop making everything about Dean?"

"You brought it up."

"I just-I just wanted to know."

He sighed, lowering his head as he was forced to relive the atrocious day. "I, I was mad. But not at you." He looked up at her, honest and open, a new thing for him. "You asked me for one thing-to take you to Prom. And I couldn't do it. I was smart enough to ACE high school but because I was so conceited, I flunked out. And-and you were always trying to get me to do my school stuff, and I was lying to you."

Rory took a shaky breath as she heard a confession she had imagined, but never expected. She realized her eyes were wet.

"I wouldn't have cared. I-you could have gone back to school."

Jess shook his head, "I'm too cool for school."

She laughed in spite of the heavy situation, her eyes flashing to the ceiling. "That's right, I forgot. Jess Mariano the rebel."

"Ah, I've retired from my rebel years," he said it lightly, but they both knew he meant it seriously as well. She looked at him attentively, her eyes full of anticipation. "I decided maybe other things are more important."

"You can't have me," Rory said quickly and weakly.

"I can try. You'll be surprised at how hard it is to turn me down."

Rory grinned, "You really are conceited." He returned the smile. They stood for several moments in contentment, in hope.

Finally, Jess decided to end the moment on his own terms.

"I'll be here," he said quietly, and started to retreat to his car.

"Are you going to Luke's?" she shouted after him.

"I'm not here for Luke."

"So you're just going to sleep on the sidewalk?"

"My dad gave me his-well, I wouldn't exactly call it a car."

She hesitated. "You sure you don't want to go to Luke's?"

He shook his head. "I'm staying here. I may go to Woodbridge to buy a stereo and a Peter Gabriel CD, but then its right back here, Diane Court." Turning, he started to walk back to his car, but Rory called out again.

"You could stay on the couch . . ."

Jess laughed and turned around again. "Your mother would kill me when she woke up."

"You can't sleep, alone, in your car."

He simply shrugged, and reached the old junk bucket that rivaled his high school car. Still smiling in the afterglow of their interaction, he tugged the door open and crawled into the back seat. He lay back, staring up at the torn ceiling, humming to himself.

Suddenly, there was a rap on his window. He looked up to see Rory, a blanket in hand. She moved back as he crawled to the door and shoved it open with a grunt. He looked up.

"May I help you?" he said in a mock-professional voice.

"Move over."

To his amazement, Rory crawled into the car with him.

"Don't expect that because of your reference you'll receive a Say Anything reenactment in your backseat."

"Oh, come on, you don't think I deserve it?"

Rory hit his shoulder playfully and beckoned him to lean against the window.

"Come on Pillow."

"Glad to know I'm being used." He lay down, slightly vertical against the seat. She moved in next to him, her head on his chest, bringing the blanket up over them. For a minute or so, they lay like that, watching each other in silence. Jess found his eyes wandering to her lips, so soft and so close. He breathed out hard and she giggled as his hot breath tickled her lips. She looked up at him again, and bit her lower lip.

"You know it'll take time, right?"

"Okay," he said seriously.Satisfied with this answer, she snuggled back into his shoulder, eyes closed.

"I'm glad you're back," she whispered.

_In a haze, a stormy haze, I'll be round, I'll be loving you always, always. Here I am and I'll take my time, Here I am and I'll wait in line, always, always_


End file.
